Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And then he peed in my hair
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