yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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