I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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