Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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