I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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