return my video game
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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