I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
