I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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