blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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