you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
