Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
