pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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