theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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