I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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