Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
