That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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