I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
