You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
