i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
