I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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