low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
