So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
