puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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