Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
