Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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