Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His nipple licking is glorious
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