I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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