no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
