32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
