proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
