i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
false alarm, still single
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