hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
