There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
