just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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