Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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