We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
