Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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