it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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