At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
