i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
