I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
