we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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