I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
