dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
