i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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