Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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