did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
