My hand turned me down
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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