i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
