If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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