Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
