She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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