He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
